I really hate being single. I really do.
I have learned though, that in being single it's not about what you are waiting for so much as what you are doing now. I know that everyone talks about that waiting period of single life where you are waiting for that special person be it Prince Charming to sweep you off your feet or Cinderella to intrigue you with her beauty. Nevertheless, that's not what single life is about. Single life is about that period of growth, of waiting, of struggles that is the beginning of the Cinderella fairytale.
Cinderella would have never intrigued the Prince had she not gone through her experience with her stepmothers. I'm not saying that every second of your single life is for growth but think about it...Cinderella was tender, compassionate, patient, and respectful. Traits that were developed and cultivated in her working for her stepmothers and stepsisters. Her stepsisters never had to work a minute in their life and ended up being royal b****es. It's the same with being single. The longer you are single (there are exceptions) the longer you develop traits and characteristics that prepare you for a relationship. But in a relationship, you are so focused on the other person that you rarely think about growing yourself and becoming who you are meant to be, leaving a shell of a person after most relationships end.
Society teaches us CONSTANTLY that our worth is placed in our relationships. And to a certain extent this is true. Tonight at youth group, the kids discussed love and how Jesus calls us to be salt to the Earth, to show love to everyone so that they may know that we are followers of Christ. This is where our worth should be identified within relationships. Within our ability to love those we hate or unlovable. My identity is not in my relationship with a man. My identity is found in Christ alone and defined through my relationships (platonic) with His creation.
So if I know all this, know that single life is about growing me to be the right woman for the right man, solidifying my identity in Christ and my relations to others then why do I hate single life so much? Because I'm inpatient. I'm human and I hate having to wait for things, particularly surprises! Ask any of my friends or family, I have ruined countless surprises, be it a surprise going away party or Christmas presents, because I cannot contain my curiosity. I hate not knowing what my future holds and when it will come together. I know that God is in me, God is with me, good is ahead of me, guaranteed, but even these promises can be overshadowed at times by Satan's attempts to show me how alone I am.
Tonight the youth group went to Dairy Queen afterwards, like normal, and it dawned on me that I was the only one at the table at one point that was not in a relationship. My first thought? Not that I'm waiting or that God is growing me or even that I am investing in the right relationships now, but rather that I am unlovable. That my worth is completely dependent on my relationship status, which is being begged of me by Facebook to be revealed on my profile daily. This false and yet so convincing lie is one that has seeped through every facet of society and is one that needs to be eradicated.
I refuse to believe that my singularity is a result of personal faults, traits and characteristics that deem me undesirable (a lie that I'm assaulted with daily) but choose to live in the truth that much like Christmas, the anticipation to Christmas morning is agonizing but once it's there, you are no longer worried about the build up. And like all other fairy tales, the climax of Cinderella is that she is identified as being the captivatingly beautiful one at the ball that has won the Prince's heart and all troubles are no longer significant.
So here's to hoping that God directs Prince Charming in the right direction fairly soon but also that this time of growth, servitude and love is one that is encouraging and a reminder that my life, my world, and my identity are not caught up in my worldly relationships but rather with the King of the world.
