The further I read, the more I realized that this list was not really about shaping yourself into the type of person that someone would want to marry but rather a list of "Been there, done that's" that don't really make you a better person but are things that you can't do once you're married, i.e. "Date two people at once and see how long it takes to blow up in your face".
I'm not sure about you, but I'm not really one to seek out trouble. I don't find the idea of hurting someone's feelings an experience worth having, and certainly not one that would make me the type of person you would want to marry. So without further ado, I have created my own list of things to accomplish (or try to) before getting engaged.
1. Travel to another country. Taking a year between high school and college to travel the world and to discover myself was the best decision I have made thus far in my life. I learned more in that year about independence, interdependence, courage, and my comfort zone than I ever have sitting in a lecture hall. Save up, dream big and go. It's worth it. I promise.
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| Hong Kong |
2. Get your finances in order/learn how to make and stick to a budget, Dave Ramsey style. I think this is pretty self explanatory. I'm not the best, but I'm learning. And though I will have some student loans after graduation, I can say that learning money management now will save me and my husband from several fights later.
3. Figure out your religion (or not). You could be Jewish, Catholic, Protestant, Athiest, or the Flying Spaghetti Monster; I don't really care. Decide what you believe and explore it. Explore other religions or beliefs. Question them. Then try to find the answers. As a Family Studies major, I can attest to the fact that one of the common core beliefs among couples is spirituality and religion. Learn what yours is and learn to explain yourself to others.
4. Enjoy solitude. As a natural introvert, this is easy for me. I find joy in being alone with my thoughts. It is important though to be able to derive joy from something other than a person and finding that in solitude helps in those moments when you want to strangle your significant other and need to take some time to cool off.
5. Discover a hobby or something you enjoy. You don't have to be perfect at it, but by finding something you enjoy helps to ensure that even in a relationship you can keep yourself intact without sacrificing every part of your life to the relationship. Mine? Music. Not playing, but listening. Enjoying and soaking in every aspect of it until my soul is overflowing with it.
6. Learn how to cook. Thank the Lord I am not getting married anytime soon. If this were the case my husband would be eating scrambled eggs and Macaroni 'N Cheese every night for dinner. I'm clearly still working on this skill.
7. Establish yourself in your home and career. If you can establish your home, most of your furnishings and all, think of the possibilities for your wedding registry. You could do a honeymoon, adoption, or charity registry which I think is so much more rad than getting 3 toasters. And when it comes to your career; I don't care whether your work for a fortune 500 company or Wal-Mart. Get to know your coworkers, make nice with your boss, and work your butt off.
8. Meet a personal goal. Set a big goal and work towards. Step by step, day by day. Maybe it's to get back down to a certain dress size, to read x amount of books, to learn a new language. Set to work on accomplishing something you have always wanted to do and get to it!
9. Master a new skill. This one goes hand in hand with the whole hobby thing. However, I think there is something to be said about learning something NEW. Maybe it's practical, maybe it's not. But if there is something you have wanted to learn how to do, why not do it now when you have the time and energy (do we ever really have both?)
10. Give back. Whether you tithe to your local church, donate items to a women's shelter or volunteer at the Humane Society. Learn that your gifts, your talents, and your passions are better spent on others rather than on yourself. Here are some organizations I highly recommend:
http://www.fmsc.org/
http://cyny.org/
https://www.operationundergroundrailroad.org/
http://intlprincess.org/
11. Learn how to deal with your emotions healthily.The sooner you can learn how to reign in your anger and fight nice, the better your future relationships will be. Enough said.
I certainly don't have it all figured out; I haven't even finished my whole first year of my twenty's. But I think there is something to be said about having the world open to me and not wanting to squander it by "making out with a stranger... eating an entire tub of Nutella in one sitting... and being selfish." I want to live my single and married life to the fullest, recognizing that my life does not end the minute he puts a ring on it. But rather that a new chapter, one filled with just as many adventures, late nights (with a baby instead of friends!), and beautiful memories as the previous ones,
has begun.
