One year ago, today, I was sitting on a bus bound for Johannesburg on the first leg of my journey to Hong Kong. I can't believe how fast time has flown since then and as I reflect on my time there I cannot say thank you enough to the Hong Kong base. I realize now just how incredibly helpful the staff there was!!
Our team was given a fully furnished, quaint little apartment to use while we stayed there. Plus as a bonus, there was nothing upstairs except a big open room which was perfect for prayer and worship. I remember one time, Renette went up there to make a phone call late at night and when she went back down to the apartment the door was locked and she was without a key, so she slept on the cold concrete floor that night! I remember waking up and wondering where Renette was, only to find out later that she had slept upstairs. We all felt so terrible!! It was refreshing to be able to buy our own groceries for the first time and under Renette's careful watch, eat healthily.
The staff at the Hong Kong base was more than helpful by providing lectures that we had missed out on in the first half of our trip. By being super supportive and some of the friendliest people I have ever miss! It is evident how well gifted this base is with hospitality. Everyone is inclusive of one another, offering help and support when necessary. Stepping in to provide reconciliation for my team, a gift I am grateful beyond words for! I appreciate everyone at that base and want to wish everyone there the best!
I cannot believe how fast these past few months have flown by. I have been home for close to 9 months, and as is evident from my last post, itching to travel again. I think my parents are a little apprehensive though, so this girl is travelling about as far as Chicago lately. Again, though I cannot express my gratitude towards the HK base and will forever cherish memories from the short 6 weeks spent there. I look forward to future Christmases spent in Hong Kong participating in the Christmas ministry once again!!
All my love,
Manda :)
Wednesday, December 5, 2012
Oh happy day!
So I have officially decided I don't want to live in America. I would rather live in Africa: Zimbabwe, Tanzania, Malawi, Rwanda, wherever! I have come to the conclusion that to be honest, life in America is boring!! Let's be honest, what do most people do when they get home from work? Make dinner, put the kids to bed, and watch TV. What happened to adventure? When did sitting in front of a TV for the remainder of the night become the social norm?
I lived my life more fully in those short six months in South Africa than I did in the rest of my life. I suppose if there was a drastic shift in the normalcy of life within the US I would consider staying. But what happened to having friends over for dinner on a Tuesday night? Or going to a movie on Thursday? "Well you know...It's a school night.." SO!! People don't live anymore, they merely survive with a few bouts of enjoyment here and there.
I want to live. I want to experience life. I want to kiss cheetahs and play in the ocean. I want to be surrounded by children and feel the warmth of the sun on my skin. I want to enjoy food for it's quality and not because of its sustenance. I want to write everyday and read more. I want to not know what's going on with this celebrity or that but constantly be in the know of how my friends are doing. And I had that in South Africa.
Maybe it was because of the community lifestyle present, which could be implemented back in the states. But most often, people prefer to shut their doors and leave them that way, whether physically or metaphorically. But in Africa, doors and hearts alike are wide open. Welcoming. Accepting. Warm. Genuine.
I want to live life to the fullest, so that I can look back and feel that I truly ENJOYED my life. I can't promise that there won't be regrets, in fact I can guarantee that there will be. But in the end, those regrets will be far outweighed by the joy of knowing that I am fulfilling what I am called to do, which is to love those around me. Whether that means those around me are down the dorm hallway at USD or down the dirt path in Mozambique.
I will be going back one day. But for now, I continue to pursue my degree because I know that THIS is what God has called me to at this point in my life. It just means that I have that much more of motivation to finish my degree so I can go back! Oh happy day when I board the plane destined for Africa! :)
I lived my life more fully in those short six months in South Africa than I did in the rest of my life. I suppose if there was a drastic shift in the normalcy of life within the US I would consider staying. But what happened to having friends over for dinner on a Tuesday night? Or going to a movie on Thursday? "Well you know...It's a school night.." SO!! People don't live anymore, they merely survive with a few bouts of enjoyment here and there.
I want to live. I want to experience life. I want to kiss cheetahs and play in the ocean. I want to be surrounded by children and feel the warmth of the sun on my skin. I want to enjoy food for it's quality and not because of its sustenance. I want to write everyday and read more. I want to not know what's going on with this celebrity or that but constantly be in the know of how my friends are doing. And I had that in South Africa.
Maybe it was because of the community lifestyle present, which could be implemented back in the states. But most often, people prefer to shut their doors and leave them that way, whether physically or metaphorically. But in Africa, doors and hearts alike are wide open. Welcoming. Accepting. Warm. Genuine.
I want to live life to the fullest, so that I can look back and feel that I truly ENJOYED my life. I can't promise that there won't be regrets, in fact I can guarantee that there will be. But in the end, those regrets will be far outweighed by the joy of knowing that I am fulfilling what I am called to do, which is to love those around me. Whether that means those around me are down the dorm hallway at USD or down the dirt path in Mozambique.
I will be going back one day. But for now, I continue to pursue my degree because I know that THIS is what God has called me to at this point in my life. It just means that I have that much more of motivation to finish my degree so I can go back! Oh happy day when I board the plane destined for Africa! :)
Tuesday, December 4, 2012
Southernisms
When I first started thinking about writing a response to the language prompt I figured I would write about when I went to Hong Kong but the more I thought about it the more I realized how obvious it is to write a response to a heavily populated, small amount of English speaking country. So I thought I would write about when I first moved to Texas and the STRANGE language they use there.
When I first moved to Texas one of the first phrases I heard (besides y'all) was "Bless her heart". And to my naivety, I thought people were being genuinely nice. Nope, "bless her heart" in 'southern' actually means "What a hoe" or something along those lines. Other odd sayings include "On me like white on rice", "Well butter my butt and call me a biscuit" and "Barking up the wrong tree". Some I could guess the meaning, others I was left clueless and was never really given a clear answer as to their meaning. I think the Southerners don't even know what they mean!
I can't carry on too much considering I picked up a few of their quirks. Shortly after leaving for Africa I had referred to my teammates as "y'all" which resulted in me being nicknamed Texas. I have caught myself every once in a while saying "Bless her heart", and often feel like an imposter when it is murmured.
It's interesting because unlike Hong Kong, I never really asked for an interpretation (which I sometimes should have) when I didn't understand a phrase. I seemed to just smile and nod along pretending I knew exactly what the other person was talking about. And once I picked up on some of the lingo, it was amazing how much more people were careful what phrases were spoken when I was around. Interesting...
Coming back to South Dakota, I realize how much more of the language and phrases resonate with me. Not only do I know them all, but I use them on a regualr basis. I never feel lost or excluded from conversations anymore. And now I don't have to wonder whether when someone says "Bless her heart" if they are being genuine, because chances are here in SD they are!
Q: What did the fish say when he swam into the wall?
A: Dam!
When I first moved to Texas one of the first phrases I heard (besides y'all) was "Bless her heart". And to my naivety, I thought people were being genuinely nice. Nope, "bless her heart" in 'southern' actually means "What a hoe" or something along those lines. Other odd sayings include "On me like white on rice", "Well butter my butt and call me a biscuit" and "Barking up the wrong tree". Some I could guess the meaning, others I was left clueless and was never really given a clear answer as to their meaning. I think the Southerners don't even know what they mean!
I can't carry on too much considering I picked up a few of their quirks. Shortly after leaving for Africa I had referred to my teammates as "y'all" which resulted in me being nicknamed Texas. I have caught myself every once in a while saying "Bless her heart", and often feel like an imposter when it is murmured.
It's interesting because unlike Hong Kong, I never really asked for an interpretation (which I sometimes should have) when I didn't understand a phrase. I seemed to just smile and nod along pretending I knew exactly what the other person was talking about. And once I picked up on some of the lingo, it was amazing how much more people were careful what phrases were spoken when I was around. Interesting...
Coming back to South Dakota, I realize how much more of the language and phrases resonate with me. Not only do I know them all, but I use them on a regualr basis. I never feel lost or excluded from conversations anymore. And now I don't have to wonder whether when someone says "Bless her heart" if they are being genuine, because chances are here in SD they are!
Q: What did the fish say when he swam into the wall?
A: Dam!
Freud was right?
For as long as I can remember, I have been terrified of killer whales, yet captivated at the same time. Several years back I went to Sea World with my grandparents and during the entire Shamu performance was frozen to my seat out of fear yet amazement all in one, and when presented with the opportunity to meet Shamu, backed out. I'm not sure exactly why they terrify me, most likely because of their size and similarities to sharks (and I believe partly because of the name "Killer" whale, even though I full well know they don't eat humans).
Ever since I was a kid though, I have had a dream of being on a sailboat in the middle of the Arctic ocean surrounded by multiple pods of killer whales. I was the only one on the boat, something that I had no clue on how to manuever, being encircled by orcas. Throughout the course of the dream, the whales would grow increasingly brave and bump the boat throwing my balance completely off. It was typically at this point that I was shaken away, due to be "thrown" in my dream. And much like falling dreams I often woke with a jolt, suddenly thrown back into the real world. I tried to convince myself that it was just a dream but often times, I would wake up in a dazed state unsure of which universe I was really in, only furthering my fear.
This dream has haunted me for years and I have never been sure of it's meaning. I think that part of it stems from the fear of complete and utter helplessness in a setting that is not my own. Where I am the victim and am the mercy of the whales. I have never been a strong swimmer, despite how often my dad tried to teach me or help me, I seemed to be lacking the fish gene that my father seems to possess, so being in the middle of a freezing ocean is something that is completely out of my element and a fear factor in and of itself. I think the combination of my initial apprehensiveness of orcas combined with my fear of water and the feeling of helplessness has created this collection of ultimate fear that continually lingers in my subconcious. And much like Freud's hypothesis of dreams, I belive the brain reveals deeper levels of subconcious thinking and unspoken desires through dreams. If this is to be true and this dream stems from a deeper fear of water and killer whales then I should probably avoid adding 'kayaking with killer whales in Alaska' to my bucket list.
Q: Why did the whale cross the ocean?
A: To get to the other tide :)
Ever since I was a kid though, I have had a dream of being on a sailboat in the middle of the Arctic ocean surrounded by multiple pods of killer whales. I was the only one on the boat, something that I had no clue on how to manuever, being encircled by orcas. Throughout the course of the dream, the whales would grow increasingly brave and bump the boat throwing my balance completely off. It was typically at this point that I was shaken away, due to be "thrown" in my dream. And much like falling dreams I often woke with a jolt, suddenly thrown back into the real world. I tried to convince myself that it was just a dream but often times, I would wake up in a dazed state unsure of which universe I was really in, only furthering my fear.
This dream has haunted me for years and I have never been sure of it's meaning. I think that part of it stems from the fear of complete and utter helplessness in a setting that is not my own. Where I am the victim and am the mercy of the whales. I have never been a strong swimmer, despite how often my dad tried to teach me or help me, I seemed to be lacking the fish gene that my father seems to possess, so being in the middle of a freezing ocean is something that is completely out of my element and a fear factor in and of itself. I think the combination of my initial apprehensiveness of orcas combined with my fear of water and the feeling of helplessness has created this collection of ultimate fear that continually lingers in my subconcious. And much like Freud's hypothesis of dreams, I belive the brain reveals deeper levels of subconcious thinking and unspoken desires through dreams. If this is to be true and this dream stems from a deeper fear of water and killer whales then I should probably avoid adding 'kayaking with killer whales in Alaska' to my bucket list.
Q: Why did the whale cross the ocean?
A: To get to the other tide :)
Survival v. Satisfaction
Food has never been something used merely for survival but rather something that is used in celebratory situations and in certain situations for comfort. I hate to admit it, but often times when I'm upset I go for the nearest tub of Ben & Jerry's or when I have reason to celebrate off to go out to eat! This emotional connection to food has provided as a pitfall for years, often resulting in binge eating and attachment to food in ways that I shouldn't be. As a kid, I was extremely picking eating only chicken nuggets and mashed potatoes. I am proud to say though that as I have aged, my bravery in food as increased exponentially. Thus far in my life I have had bear, squid, octopus, shark, alligator, and crocodile!
I'm not sure I have a favorite meal or favorite food. But I really enjoy breakfast foods, any kind and any time of the day. I love eggs and waffles and french toast and pancakes and bicuits with gravy and hashbrowns. So I guess I would say that I have a favorite food or more a favorite food type. In contrast to my favorite foods, I definitely have foods that have made my "Hate" list, such as: enchiladas (for a long time it was anything Mexian), pot pies, and squashes/zuchini.
By travelling to South Africa and Hong Kong I have learned that I am a lot more adventurous with foods than I originally thought. And that it's not just an American thing to associate food with emotions, in fact I would say that other countries have more of an emotional connection than Americans, making me feel that much better about myself! Food, for me, is so much more than sustenance. It's an experience, a unifier, a conversation starter, and an adventure - one that I hope to always partake in.
I haven't done a joke in a while..
Q: Why wouldn't the oysters share their lunch?
A: They were 2 shellfish! (I know it's bad but it's the best I could find)
I'm not sure I have a favorite meal or favorite food. But I really enjoy breakfast foods, any kind and any time of the day. I love eggs and waffles and french toast and pancakes and bicuits with gravy and hashbrowns. So I guess I would say that I have a favorite food or more a favorite food type. In contrast to my favorite foods, I definitely have foods that have made my "Hate" list, such as: enchiladas (for a long time it was anything Mexian), pot pies, and squashes/zuchini.
By travelling to South Africa and Hong Kong I have learned that I am a lot more adventurous with foods than I originally thought. And that it's not just an American thing to associate food with emotions, in fact I would say that other countries have more of an emotional connection than Americans, making me feel that much better about myself! Food, for me, is so much more than sustenance. It's an experience, a unifier, a conversation starter, and an adventure - one that I hope to always partake in.
I haven't done a joke in a while..
Q: Why wouldn't the oysters share their lunch?
A: They were 2 shellfish! (I know it's bad but it's the best I could find)
Monday, December 3, 2012
Romans 8:15
A week ago today, Nate was diagnosed as having cancerous cells in his system. And to be honest, upon learning the news I broke down. I would love to say that this was not the only time it has happened throughout this process, but I can't. I cried when Nate called me to tell me. I cried the day I saw him for the first time in the hospital. I cried the day ADEM showed up. I cried when I visited him in the ICU. But none of these were as heartbreaking as this last time. I thought that we were out of the woods and that the stemcell transplant solved this whole cancer thing, so to learn that it had come back with a vengance was literally heart breaking. To have to see him continue through these trials when I am so helpless to the situation is distressing.
I know that through this whole process, Nate has been guided by the Holy Spirit and it has been so encouraging to watch his influence that he has on others (including myself) through all of this. He has been so upbeat, rarely complaining, when others who have it far better gripe about every little thing. Nate has made sure he follows the Spirit in every decision he makes and it is more than amazing to be able to watch his faith mature and permeate throughout the hospital as he continues to focus on the Lord and all that He is doing in Nate and other's lives.
So last Monday night I broke down. I couldn't take it anymore. I was tired, emotionally drained, and upset. And as cliche as it sounds I ended up crying myself to sleep that night. However, I had to pick myself up for class Tuesday morning so I hopped in the shower before going to class and yet again, the tears came. This time though, I stopped abruptly. I heard someone whisper and soon after realized that whisper was from God. (I know it's SO cheesy but it's true!!) He was asking me why am I worried? Why am I afraid? Is He no the God of the UNIVERSE?! He then proceeded to tell me to chill my pants, that He has this under control and that He has not fully revealed His glory yet. That He knows exactly what He is doing, through Nate, the doctors, nurses, and even Nate's family and that one day His glory will fully be revealed but for now I need to trust Him, and if I had been doing that before this rediagnosis why couldn't I do it now? I then got the verse Romans 8:15 which at the time I just assumed the one that talks about "all things working for the good of those who love Him." But when I got back to my room later that day I decided to look it up and find out what it actually says.
"For you did not receive a spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons, by whom we cry "Abba, Father!". This verse hit me particularly hard for several different reasons.
1) I am called not to be AFRAID! It says in the bible approximately 365 times "not to be afraid". And over and over again, there are stories in the bible of seemingly impossible tasks being accomplished because of the power of God. (David & Goliath, Joshua & the wall, Sarah's conception, the virgin conception, Jesus feeding the 5,000, and so on) And yet here I am, wallowing in my cowardly ways, untrustingly afraid of what is to come
2) We are children of the Almighty God! I don't have kids but I have Marco and I know that I would do anything for that kid! If I feel that way about my brother, how much more does God feel about us? And if that's the case, then I can fully trust that our FATHER is taking care of Nate. That as his Heavenly Father He is sovereign and in control and loving on Nate more than I possibly ever could.
3) I don't have to worry about my prayers. I'm not saying that I don't have to pray at all. But I certainly don't have to worry about the words that I pray. I can trust that the Holy Spirit is interceding through me on Nate's behalf communicating to the Father my desires, heartaches, and needs fully knowing each one. What a relief!
4) Through all of these breakdowns from that one verse, I can come to trust that God's glory will be revealed for HIS glory and not for mine or Nate's or the Kittelson's. I can trust that though the path to seeing His glory may not be easy, it is good. I can trust that through His glory, God is in Nate, God is with Nate, and good is ahead of Nate. Guaranteed! I can trust that despite the situation, despite what I know (more of what I DON'T know) God is revealing himself to others through this and that Nate is developing one HECK of a testimony and has the opportunity that not everyone gets, to see God's glory to focusedly manifested through him onto others. What a blessing! And what a blessing for those of us that get to hang out with Nate!
I refuse to cry. Not because I believe it shows weakness, but rather because I believe there is no longer a use for it. If God is being glorified, then why should I be afraid?! I urge all of you to continue to pray for Nate as physically, he is not doing well. Please pray for physical healing but more imporatntly, I believe, that God continue to be glorified through this all, as I know He is.
I eagerly look forward to being home and possible seeing Nate again, but until then I continue to pray and trust in the Father and ask that you do the same.
All my love <3
I know that through this whole process, Nate has been guided by the Holy Spirit and it has been so encouraging to watch his influence that he has on others (including myself) through all of this. He has been so upbeat, rarely complaining, when others who have it far better gripe about every little thing. Nate has made sure he follows the Spirit in every decision he makes and it is more than amazing to be able to watch his faith mature and permeate throughout the hospital as he continues to focus on the Lord and all that He is doing in Nate and other's lives.
So last Monday night I broke down. I couldn't take it anymore. I was tired, emotionally drained, and upset. And as cliche as it sounds I ended up crying myself to sleep that night. However, I had to pick myself up for class Tuesday morning so I hopped in the shower before going to class and yet again, the tears came. This time though, I stopped abruptly. I heard someone whisper and soon after realized that whisper was from God. (I know it's SO cheesy but it's true!!) He was asking me why am I worried? Why am I afraid? Is He no the God of the UNIVERSE?! He then proceeded to tell me to chill my pants, that He has this under control and that He has not fully revealed His glory yet. That He knows exactly what He is doing, through Nate, the doctors, nurses, and even Nate's family and that one day His glory will fully be revealed but for now I need to trust Him, and if I had been doing that before this rediagnosis why couldn't I do it now? I then got the verse Romans 8:15 which at the time I just assumed the one that talks about "all things working for the good of those who love Him." But when I got back to my room later that day I decided to look it up and find out what it actually says.
"For you did not receive a spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons, by whom we cry "Abba, Father!". This verse hit me particularly hard for several different reasons.
1) I am called not to be AFRAID! It says in the bible approximately 365 times "not to be afraid". And over and over again, there are stories in the bible of seemingly impossible tasks being accomplished because of the power of God. (David & Goliath, Joshua & the wall, Sarah's conception, the virgin conception, Jesus feeding the 5,000, and so on) And yet here I am, wallowing in my cowardly ways, untrustingly afraid of what is to come
2) We are children of the Almighty God! I don't have kids but I have Marco and I know that I would do anything for that kid! If I feel that way about my brother, how much more does God feel about us? And if that's the case, then I can fully trust that our FATHER is taking care of Nate. That as his Heavenly Father He is sovereign and in control and loving on Nate more than I possibly ever could.
3) I don't have to worry about my prayers. I'm not saying that I don't have to pray at all. But I certainly don't have to worry about the words that I pray. I can trust that the Holy Spirit is interceding through me on Nate's behalf communicating to the Father my desires, heartaches, and needs fully knowing each one. What a relief!
4) Through all of these breakdowns from that one verse, I can come to trust that God's glory will be revealed for HIS glory and not for mine or Nate's or the Kittelson's. I can trust that though the path to seeing His glory may not be easy, it is good. I can trust that through His glory, God is in Nate, God is with Nate, and good is ahead of Nate. Guaranteed! I can trust that despite the situation, despite what I know (more of what I DON'T know) God is revealing himself to others through this and that Nate is developing one HECK of a testimony and has the opportunity that not everyone gets, to see God's glory to focusedly manifested through him onto others. What a blessing! And what a blessing for those of us that get to hang out with Nate!
I refuse to cry. Not because I believe it shows weakness, but rather because I believe there is no longer a use for it. If God is being glorified, then why should I be afraid?! I urge all of you to continue to pray for Nate as physically, he is not doing well. Please pray for physical healing but more imporatntly, I believe, that God continue to be glorified through this all, as I know He is.
I eagerly look forward to being home and possible seeing Nate again, but until then I continue to pray and trust in the Father and ask that you do the same.
All my love <3
The Human Shield
You are not going to believe this but I am actually a superhero. I have just compromised my identity to you but I feel it is in your best interest to know of this condition. I was born with mutant skin which is immune to penetration of any sort. For your safety I figure it best you know before this gets carried away. I was born this way and have used this as an advantage against criminals and the villians of the town, to keep civilians safe by becoming the Human Shield. Yes, that is me. But I'm afraid now that you know my secret identity, the confidentiality of this secret cannot be compromised and you will unfortnuately need to be exterminated. And this is why I cannot get my flu shot today.
Best Study Session EVER!
So earlier tonight Kayla and I decided to go to the library to get homework done together since we have been procrastinating on it like there's no tomorrow. We stopped at UBrew to pick up some coffee/tea to help with the lack of energy and I'm nearly positive the outcomes of tonight are a direct result of the amount of caffeine within our systems. So once we got into the study room, chaos ensued. Both Kayla and I continued to procrastinate on Facebook despite both of our determination to finish homework. I started to set to work and began to chant "I can do this! I can do this! I can do this!" before breaking into a whine along the lines of "I don't WANT to do this!!!..." Yeah...motivation failed me at that point. I then proceeded to notice Kayla continuing to puruse Facebook and told her to get off when she so sassily responded with "I'm sorry. NO! I'm not sorry!!". Then later in the evening I asked to Kayla to throw away my coffee cup for me since she was closer and snarkily responded with "Yeah. I will be able to make it in anyways." In which she then proceeded to throw the coffee cup and miss the trash can all together. Which was followed by a string of "Dang it! Shoot! Crap!" shortly after.
After a while of productive working I asked if we could listen to Christmas music, to which Kayla replied "As long as it isn't like 'OOOOOooooohhh. OOOOO. ooooooh.' kind of music." Are we listening to ghosts? Then later on in the evening we sang Feliz Navidad together while making funny faces. I'm rambling so I will stop now.
All in all, it has been one of the best study sessions I think I have ever had. And I still have two hours left :)
After a while of productive working I asked if we could listen to Christmas music, to which Kayla replied "As long as it isn't like 'OOOOOooooohhh. OOOOO. ooooooh.' kind of music." Are we listening to ghosts? Then later on in the evening we sang Feliz Navidad together while making funny faces. I'm rambling so I will stop now.
All in all, it has been one of the best study sessions I think I have ever had. And I still have two hours left :)
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