I am woman, hear me roar?

I am feminist. I said it. However, I am not the beat my chest "I don't need a man!" type. I believe in the fundamentalist values of feminism. The values that originally started each wave of the feminist movement.

I had always thought that children were my passion. That I was destined to work with children and that any career that did NOT involve children was simply not for me. In my sociology class though, we have been discussing societal issues, naturally, ranging anywhere from feral children to female genital mutilation to racism to crime. And as deeply as the issues/problems revolving around children hurt, those involving women hurt equally as much if not more. As a woman myself, I know how it feels to objectified by society and to see when subjected to this daily for a profit for men (and sometimes women) disgusted me beyond comprehendible means.

I recently read a book called "Captivating" by John and Stasi Eldredge which so eloquently encapsulated every struggle I have ever had as a girl maturing into a woman. (It was fantastic by the way, if you haven't already read it, you should!) In the beginning of the book though Stasi explains where women came from, our creation, our purpose and I could not have said it better myself. She goes so far as to say that woman is the pinnacle of creation, and not to toot our own horn, it's true. Stasi goes on to say, "In one last flourish creation comes to a finish with Eve. She is the Master's finishing touch." There was something missing when it was only Adam. There was no suitable helper for him. Beyond that God makes Eve to be Adam's helper. Not in the sense that we think of help. By English definitions help means to give or provide what is necessary to accomplish a task or satisfy a need. By biblical standards, and by mine, this definition sucks! The original text of Genesis called Eve an ezer, which means more than just help. It literally means "to rescue, to save" and "strength", and is used only 21 times in the Bible. 2 times in reference to Eve, 3 times to nations that provided military assistance to Israel and the rest of the time referring to God himself. This should say something about the character of women then, that if we are created in the image of Him and that He is more than just someone to help us get out of trouble, Eve (we) is (are) the same.

Feminism was originally not created to squash out men. To say that we as women are strong enough to do it completely on our own, because let's be honest we're not. Feminism was created to show that women are off equal stature to men. There has been a quote floating around on Pinterest that I adore. I'm not sure the author, regardless I feel that it perfectly encloses feminism "Eve was not taken out of Adam's head to top him, neither out of his feet to be trampled on by him, but out of his side to be equal with him, under his arms to be protected by him, and near his heart to be loved by him." Here is where the true crescendo of creation takes place, at the unity of man and woman. Figuratively speaking though, this connection goes beyond marriage but rather creates a world where men need women as much as women need men. I believe in feminism being an advocate for the equal treatment of women. From slavery that they are so often ensnared into. For the respect they deserve for what they have contributed to our world.

So where do we go from here? We educate ourselves. We dedicate ourselves. We work together as a community to work towards the equal treatment of women everywhere. We take a stand against human trafficking, against female genital mutilation, against international surrogacy, against child brides, against child soldiers, and we fight. We won't win this war. We can't. Eve will not be fully restored to her glory until Jesus comes again, but until then I believe we can work to give women their dignity. Show them their worth, that they are the pinnacle of creation and are the image of a loving Creator (a love we will never fathom) that exemplifies qualities of love, grace, gentleness, mercy and tenderness that are all exhibited within Eve. This is our goal. To unchain the shackles that hold women down to be submissive, to be helpers to man, working in community with them only to help them gain profit.

If you are interested in getting involved in any way possible I implore to do research. There are SO MANY organizations that work towards the equality of women in any circumstance, location, and belief. In Sioux Falls you can check out Be Free ministries, if you are in Dallas, check out Jesus Said Loved. Other super cool ministries include : Vision Nationals (they run ministries to orphans and widows in India) or International Princess Project. If you are interested in any of these ministries you can contact me (email, text, phone call, comments, letters, tweets, whatever way have you) and I can give you more information. This is not a fad ministry or single handed endeavor. No, this takes a collaborative community working together for generations to come to free women from the bonds of objectification, disrespect, and enslavement that ensnare women, to ensure that Eve reaches and understands her place as the pinnacle of creation. Will you join me?

Weapon of mass destruction

The mind is rather amazing when you think about it. It has the capability to create something out of nothing, the ability to communicate both internally and externally, and has the capabilities to both sustain and destroy.

It seems that my brain seems to do the latter. My thought processes are ones, lately, that seem to bring more death than life. And not just in the sense of judgmental or condescending thoughts, but rather ones that tear away at my esteem, that seem to wither away any confidence I have and "shows" me  pseudo evidence as to why I am a failure, that I unequivocally believe to be truth.

Changing tracks a bit, (I promise I will tie it all together) I met with my adviser last Monday. As I was sitting in with him discussing my current semester he asked why I was talking Finite Mathematics 104 to which I replied that it was required for my bachelor of science through USD. However, now that I have not only changed my major but transferred schools as well, the class is no longer required.

As soon as he told me this, my first thought was that I should drop the class. I mean seriously, I loathe the class, the curriculum, and the teaching method of the professor, why shouldn't I drop it? But just as quickly as that thought appeared, the thought that my dropping the class would be an example of my failures entered. That this would be yet another example that I can't seem to hold onto anything in life and that it foreshadows my future of failures, that much more.

Looking back, I'm sure these were not my own thoughts, but rather spiritual warfare that Satan has waged against me because well, I'm tired. This semester I work an average of 30 hours a week with 17 credit hours of school, all the while trying to desperately maintain functional relationships with my friends, family, and church. It catches up eventually. And it definitely did last week.

I ended up breaking down to my mom, sobbing that I am afraid of my failures. Not just as a student, because I was dropping a class, but on how that reflects on me as a person. I was afraid that having quit soccer, tennis, choir, piano and having changed my major 3 different times that these were an expression that I cannot, not only, make up my mind but also seem to find anything that I succeed at.

With the wisdom of my beautiful mother, I came to realize that this period in my life, this stress, anxiety, fear, and unbelief comes from a lack of understanding who I am and where my life is going. I realized that the one thing I know is that I want to get married and have babies, but that doesn't really pay the bills, so I have to find something else. Because of this, all of my career choices are secondary to what I really want to do.

Further than that though, I realized that this period in my life is temporary. This phase of worrying about grades, tests, and papers will soon come to pass and at the end of this time, no one will look at my transcript and judge me for a "W" in my Finite Math class (and if they do they are not very nice!). At the end of the day, my future employer could care less about my transcript but rather that I completed my degree and possibly that I held an upstanding GPA. So this being said, is it worth it to continue in a class that brings stress, doubt and fear into my life? Is it worth it to continue to beat myself up over my inability to fully comprehend the concepts when I have known from day 1 that math is not my strong suit? ABSOLUTELY NOT!

I know that not everything we do in life is peachy. I understand that fully. Heck, I spent 2 years learning that in Texas. But I do know that Jesus calls me to life. He calls me to indulge myself in others, in relationships and in love. And if something is pulling from that, if something is acting as an obstacle to that than shouldn't I remove the barrier? I want to be able to say that I have invested myself in the right things, seeking to love others, not my grades, seeking to worry about the welfare of people, not my transcript, and seeking to show Jesus to those unknowing, not seeking to prove my worth through school. I believe that life is about learning not only when to step in and join but also knowing when to step back and let it be.

In the book that I am currently reading for my World Religions class, "Welcome to the Wisdom of the World and Its Meaning for You", (it's fantastic, you should check it out) the author talks about Abba Agathon who built a cell for him and his disciples to live in, but in the early days saw something about the place during the first days of it that seemed harmful. So he said to his disciples, "Get up, let us leave this place." His disciples had a hard time leaving and he saw that that they were held back by timidity so he said to them, "If some are scandalized, others, on the contrary will be much edified and will say, 'How blessed are they who go away for God's sake, having no other care. However, let him who wants to come, come; as for me, I am going.'"

I love this! If something is unhealthy for us, why do we continue to hold onto it with such tight hands. In Buddhism, they teach to live with open hands, letting things move freely in and out of our lives (hands).

So this is what I am choosing to do. I am choosing to live with open hands, leaving things that don't bring me any closer to Jesus or the kingdom of Heaven, living and loving fully, experiencing true joy, peace, and rest. Will you do the same?